I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
