"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
