Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
