my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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