i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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