i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
