the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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