Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
