I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
