I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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