At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
