absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
