I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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