Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
