that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
