she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I party with great urgency now.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
