Betty ford says i'm here all night
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
