On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
