i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
