explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
