apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
