I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
