I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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