dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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