I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
