i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
