not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
