i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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