It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
