It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
