I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
