I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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