If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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