Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
