I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
