I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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