I queefed so loud it echoed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
