The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
