I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
