Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
