Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Houston, we have a squirter
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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