hotel room ftw
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
