Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
