Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
