There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
