What a fucking waste of an outfit
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
