tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
