i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
