I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
