Barsexuality is the new black.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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