I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
